when i was in elementary and middle school, i used to know the words to every single song on the radio. this did not impress my parents. they thought i was spending my time learning the lyrics instead of doing my homework. so they did what most russian parents do. they threatened me.

but here’s the funny part. their threat was, hilariously, that if i didn’t do my homework and study hard in school, i would end up being a postman in san francisco. why, you may ask? because my parent’s logic was that the idea of having to walk up and down the hilly landscape carrying bags and bags of mail would deter me from studying tlc and no doubt songs (which, for the record, i just happen to absorb subconsciously). and it did work - i consistently did well in school (minus the D in band and the comment ‘is destructive to learning environment’).

thinking back on it now, i wonder why being a postman in san francisco was my parent’s choice. in retrospect, it’s not so bad:

1. first of all, living in san francisco sounds fantastic - great weather, lots to do, delicious sea creatures everywhere.
2. walking up and down hills all day? sounds like i don’t need to go to the gym after work. 2 birds. 1 stone.
3. government benefits? why would you say no?

so, if they had to do it all over again (i guess not all of it, as i think my sister and i turned out alright), they may want to rethink the job threat they used. when my kids are slacking off in school, i’ll threaten them with being a driver’s ed teacher. unless cars drive themselves by then.